I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
