he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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