If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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