I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
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It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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