I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
