So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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