I need to stop coming to work sober
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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