Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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