I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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