I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
