So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
