He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
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incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
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whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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