She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize