I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
