I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
