and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
