you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
