her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
