HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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