She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
