how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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