don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
