Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
