I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
