Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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