4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
