I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
