I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
