I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
