Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
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