So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
