Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??

  (805): View more from California

  He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You should probably go find him.

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  (805): NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be?? (805): He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is. (814): You should probably go find him. http://tfl.nu/673m
  Replies (11) Good night (3157) Bad night (1036)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often

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  (314): this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often http://tfl.nu/vudy
  Replies (17) Good night (3927) Bad night (957)
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  (858): View more from California

  Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.

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  (858): Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel. http://tfl.nu/fcxh
  Replies (21) Good night (4783) Bad night (1160)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  we're making bets on your personal life

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  (603): we're making bets on your personal life http://tfl.nu/b50k
  Replies (14) Good night (4191) Bad night (1273)
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  (+30): View more from

  Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi

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  (+30): Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi http://tfl.nu/acnu
  Replies (13) Good night (6266) Bad night (1310)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.

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  (702): I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared. http://tfl.nu/11u7
  Replies (4) Good night (3120) Bad night (1551)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him

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  (216): there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him http://tfl.nu/zgop
  Replies (1) Good night (1331) Bad night (854)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams

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  (774): This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams http://tfl.nu/o9iv
  Replies (5) Good night (1360) Bad night (859)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP

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  (240): SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP http://tfl.nu/udxy
  Replies (18) Good night (876) Bad night (2455)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.

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  (309): It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change. http://tfl.nu/p0m1
  Replies (14) Good night (1321) Bad night (1191)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.

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  (703): I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone. http://tfl.nu/an49
  Replies (5) Good night (480) Bad night (925)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts

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  (917): My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts http://tfl.nu/5sws
  Replies (3) Good night (932) Bad night (404)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to

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  (313): We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to http://tfl.nu/22xn
  Replies (3) Good night (634) Bad night (377)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.

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  (954): All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me. http://tfl.nu/3tzi
  Replies (1) Good night (581) Bad night (353)
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  (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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  (716): Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/8ftw
  Replies (2) Good night (544) Bad night (220)

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