The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train