we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.