Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.