i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation