chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
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i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.