This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
