Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.

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  (505): My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though. http://tfl.nu/1gr0
  Replies (5) Good night (2470) Bad night (509)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.

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  (847): I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help. http://tfl.nu/0kqr
  Replies (14) Good night (785) Bad night (2879)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job

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  (913): the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job http://tfl.nu/faar
  Replies (24) Good night (6637) Bad night (548)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO

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  (847): HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO http://tfl.nu/vpr1
  Replies (34) Good night (3009) Bad night (1039)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.

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  (704): The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe. http://tfl.nu/8oi8
  Replies (9) Good night (1044) Bad night (4503)
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  (925): View more from California

  He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.

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  (925): He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there. http://tfl.nu/tyej
  Replies (14) Good night (4044) Bad night (902)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.

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  (314): I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome. http://tfl.nu/831u
  Replies (12) Good night (4613) Bad night (880)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.

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  (401): my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie. http://tfl.nu/a7k2
  Replies (13) Good night (771) Bad night (3533)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.

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  (715): That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile. http://tfl.nu/lpc5
  Replies (8) Good night (1787) Bad night (959)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?

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  (254): What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch? http://tfl.nu/qe37
  Replies (11) Good night (1620) Bad night (425)
• Favorite

  (585): View more from New York

  Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise

  (770): View more from Georgia

  Dude our life is a booze cruise

  (585): View more from New York

  But without boats...

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  (585): Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise (770): Dude our life is a booze cruise (585): But without boats... http://tfl.nu/7gcu
  Replies (2) Good night (1296) Bad night (379)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life

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  (719): I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life http://tfl.nu/rr8c
  Replies (5) Good night (1274) Bad night (430)
• Favorite

  (937): View more from Ohio

  Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach

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  (937): Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach http://tfl.nu/g4uo
  Replies (7) Good night (676) Bad night (240)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(

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  (613): I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:( http://tfl.nu/jd5u
  Replies (3) Good night (392) Bad night (212)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.

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  (314): I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/pv07
  Replies (1) Good night (263) Bad night (423)

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