Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Randomize
