i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
