dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
