i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Drunk is not a location!
Damn victory sex feels great
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
