remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
