i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
