I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
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I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
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A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
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