Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
