i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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