I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
