just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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