No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
