high people should be assigned attendants
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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