He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
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alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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