Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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