I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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