in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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