Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Congratulations! We have a period
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