you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
