i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
