I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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