Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
