listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
