I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
