dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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