I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
