Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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