So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
