Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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