my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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