If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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