Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
We are two peas in an std pod
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
