Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
