ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
