I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
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