Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
